Bandung, June 20th 2017

09:00 pm

Hi readers,

on my last blog I wrote about Asexuality, now I’m sharing you about “Aromantic”. Asexuality and Aromantic are different but could be related. Someone who is asexual, maybe not aromantic, but someone who is asexual also could be aromantic. Or someone who is aromantic, maybe not asexual, but someone who is aromantic, could be asexual as well.

Why is this possible to be both? Because as we know from the blog before that Asexuality is someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction with anybody, and “Aromantic” is someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction. So, that’s why someone who has no interest for romantic attraction could be not interest for sexual attraction, but it could be no interest for romantic attraction, but interest in sexual attraction. If someone is identified as asexual and aromantic, they are called “ace-aro”.

These are some definitions about Aromantic:

  • A person who is aromantic does not experience romantic attraction. A person who is aromantic does not have to be asexual (a person who does not experience sexualitet attraction), and they might still experience sensual and aesthetic attraction. Example: Sarah is an aromantic bisexual. She feels sexual attraction to two genders, but does not feel romantic attraction.
  • One who lacks interest in or desire for romantic relationships.
  • Not experiencing romantic attraction. Not the same as being asexual, which means experiencing no sexual attraction. Aromantics can still be in a romantic relationship, they just do not experience an attraction towards their parter.
  • Not attracted to anyone in any way. Used by asexuals to differentiate themselves from asexuals who are attracted to people in romantic, but not sexual ways.
  • To have no romantic attraction, not to be asexual, which is no sexual attraction. An aromantic person is not nessicarily asexual. Example: Guy: “Why did José have sex with me but not call me back?”, Girl: (*shrugs*) “Maybe he’s aromantic…?”
  • A person who finds other people to be sexually attractive, but has no romantic feeling toward them.
  • Someone who doesn’t fall in love or loves.

Well readers, by reading those definitions I bet you understand now what aromantic is all about.

The aromantic spectrum

Alloromantic people experience frequent attraction. Everyone else can be considered part of the aromantic (aro) spectrum. This includes aromantic, gray-romantic, lithromantic/akoiromantic, wtfromantic/quoiromantic, and other non-alloromantic orientations. People on the aromantic spectrum experience romantic attraction less frequently, weakly, or in some fundamentally different way than alloromantic people.

Variations of gray-romantic are gray-aromantic, grayromantic, and swapping “gray” for “grey”. The definition of gray-romantic varies. One definition is infrequent attraction; gray-romantic people may only be romantically attracted to a couple or even one person in their lifetime. Another definition is between aromantic and alloromantic. Gray-romantic is sometimes used as an umbrella term for all non-aro, non-allo orientations.

The aro spectrum is not a universally agreed upon concept. Some people with an aro spectrum identity think of themselves as alloromantic. Furthermore, some people consider the idea of an aro spectrum nonsensical since aromanticism itself is total lack of romantic attraction. Both aro spectrum and alloromantic people can be romance-positive, -neutral, or -repulsed. Romance-positive aromantic people may be involved in romantic relationships. Some people consider this appropriation of the aromantic identity.


Arophobia is the fear and hatred of all people who are on the aromantic spectrum and/or express their aromanticism. Arophobia encompases any belief which posits alloromanticism as superior to aromanticism. Arophobia is related to amatonormativity. Elizabeth Brake defined amatonormativity as the following in her book Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law:

The assumption that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in the sense that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types.

Some examples of amatornomativity include: pressuring people to pursue romantic relationships; insisting that romantic relationships are superior to all other ones; assuming that people who are not in romantic relationships are miserable; and assuming that everyone wants to end up with a romantic partner. Some examples of arophobia specifically include assuming that aromantic people are lonely, “sociopaths”, damaged, heartless, or hypersexual. Insisting that aromantic people just need to find the “right” person to fall in love with is also arophobic.

Queerplatonic relationships

Queerplatonic (or quasiplatonic) are aromantic relationships They are not romantic but nonetheless involve an intense emotional connection beyond or in addition to friendship.

The term like the concept of queering gender, it aims to subvert and question the norms we set out for relationships. People of all orientations and genders can be in (a) queerplatonic relationship(s). Queerplatonic relationships can involve sex (intercourse), but are defined non-romantic attachment.

Aromantic pride

There have been dozens of proposed pride flags. A flag that has existed for some time is the one on National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility’s website, reproduced at the top of the article. The stripes have the following meanings:

The different stripes represent different aspects of aromanticism and our community. Green is for aromantics, who do not naturally experience romantic attachment. Yellow represents romantic friendship, friends with benefits, friendship dating, and queerplatonic relationships. Orange stands for lithromantics, individuals who experience romantic love but do not wish it returned. And finally, the black stripe is for romantics who consciously choose to reject traditional romantic culture.

Symbols for aromantic pride often include arrows. Much like the ace of spades for the asexual (ace) community, “arrow” is a pun on the abbreviation “aro”.

Here is aromantic test you could try:

Well readers, thank you so much for reading. Actually I was curious about my ex because he was too cold and has no desire in romantic and sexual. So maybe he is an ace-aro, but I don’t wanna judge him before he gets any psychology test. It was my uncomfortable feeling and suffer while I was with him because he seemed like he had no interest to be with me, or not interested having romantic relationship or anything. But thank God our relationship is over now and I will be more carefull to date any other guy next time.

With Love,

Naomi Indah Sari


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Naomi Indah Sari


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